28 years a tester. Sure, I have held all kinds of fancy monikers on top of that, but that is what I find myself to be at a core. I learned testers break illusions, not software. I learned that I could still hold the idea of being a tester when the illusions I break go beyond the product, to ways of working, to people, and even patience of people. I mean to say I test patience with a lighthearted smile, but it holds a piece of truth. Testers aren't always easy people. I have been many things, but easy is not one of those. Persistent. Reflective. Endlessly curious. For a long time, I believed the value I brought in as a tester was founded on two things:
- serendipity: "The more I practice, the luckier I get."
- perseverance: "It's not that I'm so smart, I just stick with the problems longer."
I would get to travel the world to deliver talks with titles such as "Making teams awesome". I would observe roles of catalyst, conscience, cheerleader and critical thinker in my work with the teams.
Today, I write this post wondering if the world changed, if I changed, or if the context changed. I received a fairly substantial piece of feedback that exemplifies something I did to help as something that breaks the team. We need to talk about failures, and we can't talk about failures of others. So I talk about my failures, in spirit of truly believing in blamelessness through seeing things in systemic context.
I worked with a particular team, set up for a short period of time. My title: test automation engineer. The task: planning. The framing: agile with named roles.
Reflecting on what happened, I went for a generated illustration. While my intent may be to help in making the team awesome, when that did not succeed within constraints available, I became a canary in the coal mine. Powerless to fix, destined to get hurt while being trapped on a purpose I could not escape.
The experience of feedback that threatens professional integrity is still raw and recent, yet I appreciate the learning experience. I am not yet sure if my conclusion would be to
- Invest differently in preparation as I see canary mode activated
- Walk away for greater good as I see canary mode activated
- Learn to block canary mode even when it feels necessary for a greater cause
I will continue working on finding better ways of interacting in teams, as a tester. Or as me. The feedback would have been very different for same behavior in the team if they did not frame me as test automation engineer. Authenticity is confrontational to a world built on masks, but for this team, in this context, I really needed a mask.
The fascinating lessons work has to offer are many fold. This was definitely the most strenuous job interview I have ever been at, let alone failed at. Failed together, for systemic reasons, but failed none the less. An experience richer.
I'm sure I am not the only tester in the world that balances the feedback and actions that would lead to quality, enough to become nominated as the reason for lack of quality.
